Rant
Lord, I’m tired, really. This track season has been tough and I really wonder how life would be like if I were to be settled with SA. Yes VJ has it’s name and all… But VJ track and field, that’s something else… VJ track and field 2010, that’s even more something else. Do you get what I mean? It’s tough. It’s tough. What will life be like if I stayed on in handball instead? SIGHHH. Why am I questioning God’s plans for me? :/ okay, LOL the answer’s obvious. I’m human and we do wrong things and sin. Lord, I want to be able to trust you wholeheartedly, come what may I want to have a strong signal from you and see visions and act upon them.
GAHH. This season, without a proper coach… Team morale, especially for the sprinters, have dropped. No guys captain too! STTM. Maybe it’s my fault, the flaws in my leadership… I think I failed has a VJ track and field captain, really. If I had pushed the position to the current vice capt, maybe she’d be more commited to training and all, then I’ll not feel as if I’m standing alone.
With last year’s coach, I’ve improved tremendously… most of us have. Now with the piece of paper, it has been difficult.
I felt as if the weight of the entire team was on me even though I don’t feel as attached to the team has I am with the lockers. If I went to SA and decided to not continue track… I wonder where I’d be, what I’d be doing now… If I stayed on with handball, new coach, friends quitting. RARR come to think of it, I made a lot of sacrifices for handball. Maybe even comparable to a few years of track, maybe.
Am I going to continue track after this season? Results this nats haven’t spurred me on for greater goals in track. Hmmm actually maybe it’s because I lost the coach who was with me when I became a somebody. So many ‘if’s… LOL seven in total
Daddy God, I haven’t been a good girl. I’m sorry. I want to go back into your arms, to feel secure and safe. I want to hide under your wings, to be protected from the world… I’m only half way through nationals, help me to keep focused and do my best. It’s the last year after six years of blood sweat and tears, I don’t want to leave the track with regrets.
Random, if you see this… Actually, I want you to come down on the final day. I want to spend my last day/night/few minutes of track life this year with you. Regardless the celebration or the ‘celebration’, I do wish for you to be there. …I don’t know you’ll think it’s a waste of time and effort to come all the way down just to spend the few minutes with me…
